She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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