I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
