I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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