it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Randomize
