I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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