My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
