I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
