Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
