You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
