i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
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