Nicole vs. Life
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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