so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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