the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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