Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
porn star boner night. come get it.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
