I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
