An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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