I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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