I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
