GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
