just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
