3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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