i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You need Xanax blowdarts
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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