I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
