Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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