marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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