Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
