You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
