were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
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