8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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