If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Randomize
