I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
