forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
