he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
