At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
