I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
