LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
