i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
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