Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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