he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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