I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
