Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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