Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
