i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Is it penis luge time yet?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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