You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
