the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
