also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
