Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
