Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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