What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
