So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Randomize
