WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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