She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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