he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
