You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
