I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
