My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
The struggles of a small town man whore
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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