Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize