i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
