this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
