I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
