He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
