pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
