make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
