it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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