I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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