So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
