Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
