You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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