so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
