Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
