i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I don't think brook has ever known best
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize