my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
