whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
