I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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