I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
