How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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