Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
