farters have to be the big spoon...
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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