Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
